Diet Fail

A blog post inspired by FAILblog, they never fail to provide a good laugh for me.
At the dinner table the other night Madi said, "I know what a verb is, it's a person, place or thing." I immediately corrected her, explaining, "no, that's a noun, a verb is a word that describes the noun." John's jaw totally hit the floor and he's all, "are you kidding me?" and rolling laughing. Education Fail.
Dieting. My last post in April was about me starting the hcg diet. I hadn't actually done it yet, just laid out the plan. Well, I received the hcg in the mail, started taking it and have lost 3.2lbs of which I have gained back only 4. On this diet you weigh yourself daily. Which,by the way totally sucks. Every morning I drag my big butt out of bed, slowly mope to the kitchen just to step on the scale and be reminded of how much I weigh. I then inject myself with the hcg and pour myself a diet Dr. Pepper. You may only have 500 calories split between two meals in a day. I watch the clock like a hawk just waiting to eat the 4oz of chicken breast, cucumber, one piece of Melba toast and an apple for lunch. Sounds delicious, no? I finally eat. By three I'm watching the clock again. I eat a similar dinner. After dinner I'm watching TV and it hits. The uncontrollable need to go to the kitchen and eat any and everything in the cabinet or fridge. I mean everything. The entire box of fruit snacks that are meant for the kids. All the Jello pudding cups (also the kids') from the fridge. A couple of Popsicles, some popcorn and if that's not enough I somehow manage to find chocolate! Diet fail.
Hmm, maybe I should reconsider a diet that starves you of breakfast, the meal that's held so sacredly by nutritionists to be the most important meal of the day, but allows you to drink soft drinks in any quantity.

I may be crazy!

I have an idea for a direction to take my blog. After seeing Julie and Julia, which I didn't really like, I had an idea. I'd blog about everything I put in my mouth for the course of the day. It'd be interesting because I eat total crap. I mean sometimes I get grossed out thinking about what I had to eat that day. Like, the cheap store bought cotton candy that's been sitting there for God only knows how long that I ate for breakfast this morning. I know, totally gross. Hopefully, this type of blog would serve two purposes, encourage others of how proud they should be of themselves for their total self-control and healthy eating habits; and also make me more aware of what I eat. Just maybe I wouldn't eat a Little Debbie brownie as I'm in the kitchen cooking dinner! Seriously though, I'm about to start a diet. When I say "about" it's because I had to order an injectable medication that you take daily. I ordered it, just waiting for it to arrive. The diet is called the Simeons' Protocol. It's kinda crazy. It is the diet that places advertise 'lose forty pounds in forty days guaranteed'. But I'm not going to their clinics. At work there are several (four) CRNA's that are on it and have experienced good results. Two of them went to the clinics and got started then realized they could order the Hcg online and follow the same diet protocol and not spend the $1200.00 that the clinics charge. I know this is totally crazy of me and you're thinking, "Holy crap Sharon, bad idea" and maybe it is, but I'm gonna at least try it a week. The injections help curb your appetite and force your body to use it's fat stores for energy as you're on a very low calorie, low fat, no carb diet. It's pretty extreme and I may not last a weekend but I want to give it a shot.
Before y'all start telling me the keys to loosing weight are to exercise and eat fewer calories than you burn, let me say, I know. But you're talking to someone that exercises NO self-control, but I figure if I'm sticking myself everyday I may be more likely to stick to the diet plan.